Signs of an Abusive Partner

The information I am about to share with you comes from a book called, "Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women," by Edward S., Ph.D. Kubany. I have taken shorter excerpts from the list but you may find the full information by purchasing this book on http://www.amazon.com/.

1. Possessiveness. A potentially abusive or predatory man tends to be very possessive or overcontrolling sometimes causing his female partner to feel like he owns her. It is often mistaken as flattery.

2. Jealousy. Jealousy is a huge red flag. If a potential boyfriend is even slightly jealous, go the other way. Jealous men are insecure and tend to be very possessive and controlling and are at high risk for becoming abusive.

3. Dislike of your family or friends. This sign and two other warning signs we have identified thus far-possessiveness and jealousy- result in a woman becoming more and more socially isolated and vulnerable to abuse.

4. In a hurry to get romantically involved. Rushing a woman into a relationship is akin to stalking or obsessively checking up on you because if a guy is spending a great deal of time with a woman he always knows where she is and knows she cannot be spending time with other men.

5. Lying. Lying is another huge red flag. If you catch him in even the smallest lie then drop him like a hot potato. Predatory men are pathological liars and even when there is no reason to lie. Consider the following example:

Woman: Why did you say you weren't at the shopping mall yesterday?
Man: Because I wasn't there.
Woman: My sister saw you there!
Man: Your sister is nuts.

6. Secretiveness. Is he secretive about his activities or whereabouts? Are there large gaps of his time that you can't account for? Sometimes this can signify that he is involved in some illegal activity, such as using or dealing drugs. Some women do not find out until well into a relationship with an abusive man that he was using drugs or was a drug dealer.

7. Imposition of his opinions or beliefs. Does he try to impose his opinions or worldviews on you? Abusive men are opinionated often with traditional sex-role beliefs favoring the dominance and authority of men in relationships with women.

8. Belittling of your opinions or beliefs. "You really don't know what you are talking about."

9. A bad temper. Many abusive men are explosive. Does he have a bad temper- even if most of the time he seems to be so happy-go-lucky or mellow?

10. Physical agressiveness with someone else. Abusive men who are violent outside the relationship as well as with their girlfriends or wives are as a group the most maritally violent.

11. Verbal mistreatment of other people. If a potential boyfriend is being nice to you but you see or hear him being verbally abusive to someone else such as an employee or relative, this is a cause for concern.

12. Blames others for his problems or mistakes. Abusive men tend to blame others for their own mistakes or problems.

13. "Playful" use of force during sex. Some abusive men get unduly rough during sex in the name of "fun."

14. A regular or past heavy user or alcohol or drugs. Many men with histories of heavy alcohol or drug abuse are sociopathic with inclinations to become abusive with their intimate partners.

15. Reputation as a womanizer. If a potential boyfriend has a reputation as a womanizer or if you know he has cheated on someone in the past be very wary.

16. Unreliability. Many abusive men are irresponsible and extraordinarily unreliable.

17. Acts differently when you are alone then when you are with others. What if a guy is sweet and loving toward you when the two of you are alone but is somewhat aloof or stand-offish when you are with your girlfriends or other women? What might this behavior pattern signify? He may not want other women to know he is taken. If other women know he is going with or seriously involved with you they will become upset and offended if he starts hitting on them.

18. Invasion of your privacy. Many men have no problem invading their girlfriends or wives privacy and accuse them of making a big deal about it.

19. Cruelty to animals or children. Does he mistreat animals? It has been estimated that approximately half of male batterers mistreat or even torture family pets (Ascione 2000). Does he expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability to do? Does he tease a child until he or she cries?

20. Charm or charisma. Be suspicious if a man is extremely complimentary-for example, if he tells you how absolutely wonderful you are before he really knows you.

Annual Snowfest in Frankenmuth, Michigan

Left: The Man in the Moon snow sculpture.

Below: Men entering the annual ice sculpting contest.

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to go to Snowfest in Frankenmuth.

My family and I had been looking forward to this for about two months and it certainly met our expectations.

We did freeze but it was worth it.

Every year in mid-Michigan Snowfest is held and they have ice sculpture and snow sculpture contests from different schools and companies in the region. There were snow sculptures of Jaws, Dragons, fairytales and modern art. The ice sculptures were mostly magestic looking creatures and business logos. All were very impressive.

People from every part of the world came to see the ice sculpting contest where a man takes a three-hundred pound block of ice and carves it into whatever he desires. It takes a lot of patience and skill.

When we finished walking through the lanes of sculptures we ventured over to the Bavarian Inn where we feasted on a German appetizer plate, their world famous Bavarian chicken, breads, relishes and potatoes. There was so much food the children were taking bites from every plate that passed them, not to mention the endless icecream.

Frankenmuth is most definitely one of the best places to go on vacation if you are looking for fun, friendliness and good food.

Kickboxing is Healthy and Fun

I know people usually are like, "Wow, you kickbox?" when I tell them that's how I work out but really it's not that big of a deal. It is however, a great workout. I always feel awesome after twenty minutes of hooks and round-houses.

So far, I haven't found a place to actually get some sparring in but I know the university where I will be attending does have a kickboxing club. I might do that on the days I am on campus. It doesn't hurt for a woman to get a little extra experience under her belt.

Here is my routine:

1. Standing and sitting toe-touches, butterfly stretch and I put one leg up onto my knee while standing then move down and touch the floor. I do that while laying on my back as well. I do a whole serious of yoga stretches, the warrior, triangle, etc.

2. I stretch my arms by interlacing them behind my back and in front of me. Then I reach up high and cross over and down to my toes. I also pull them across my chest.

3. Once I finish stretching I do 100 leg lifts, 100 crunches and 100 pushups.

4. Then I begin with forward punches, cross-over, hooks and upper cuts.

5. I begin adding my forward kicks, roundhouses and back kicks.

6. I end with a series of combos and more yoga.

I have included a photo and a link to where you may find more in depth information about kickboxing. http://www.nskenpo.com/school/programs.html

The House Bunny

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The trick is to find someone who understands what true beauty is.

Often the most photogenic person is really a lying, scheming schmuck who only tells you what you want to hear so you will do what he or she wants. And the one who doesn't go out of their way to be the center of attention...that is the one who is truly beautiful.

Will the economy recover in 2009?

I have read that some people believe the economy will begin to recover in 2009.

I have also read that the economy will not due to the fact that people want to save their tax refunds or spend them on old debt.

What did you spend your tax refunds on last year? I can tell you: my ex's old student loans. That's right, the government high-jacked it. I was all set to pay down my credit card and WHAM! Got the door slammed right in my face. Apparently, unless you file injured spouse, they can take whatever your spouse owes and apply your money to their debt. I was not too happy about that at all.

It would have gone to my old debts instead. Doctor's bills, a credit card...maybe a car loan...these are the things people need to pay on that aren't necessarily at the top of the list like rent and your energy bill.

Considering the depth of the economic problems, I am not sure a tax rebate or suped-up refunds will do any good this year. It may ease some slack at the pump or heat your house a little while longer but I don't think it will get people into the malls, out to the festivals or going on vacations to Disney World.

I do believe that they are taking the right steps in re-evaluating bankruptcy and mortgage loans.

I do shiver at the thought that 2009 may be another rough year.

A very cold, rough, lonely year.

Buuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

~Nika