Living In a Bubble

As the mother of a mixed child I find myself not fitting in to certain circles.

As a family we don't necessarily fit into the white community or the black community but not because we don't have things in common with either. It is what they don't have in common with us all of the time. The ability to see past one's color or ethnicity and the ability to surpass the fear of asking questions they may not know or are scared to ask. Tolerance of other people's beliefs is a very hard concept to achieve for some people. I strive for it. Although for me it is hard to tolerate a belief that may be damaging to another human being.

So I find myself living in a bubble, trying to steer clear of certain groups of people who I know are haters and just outside the reach of everyone else who tries to understand but cannot. I don't mind though because when I meet people who are like us we are just fine. However, it is few and far between. Not many have Nigerian babies. Though the African-American community is very accepting of us.

Not many white women live the way I live. Some of the things I do are considered "black" but to me it is just foreign to some people and they are afraid of breaking their norms. I say, if it works for me, I do it. I like my hair braided, so I do it. I like listening to rap, so I do it. I like listening to rock and some country (very little), so I do it. There's nothing stopping anyone from doing things from other cultures than our own that are not damaging. I don't understand what the big deal is. It doesn't mean I am not proud to be who I am or that I am ashamed of where I am from. It just means I am open to the world. There is a vast world of ideas and things to do and I do not want to limit myself because of a fear of rejection.

I live in a bubble of understanding. Some people are afraid to go outside of their comfortable zone but I try to do it everyday to expand my horizons. Fear is only a concept. If you believe in it, it will become you.

Should I Date Interracially?

Coming out of a divorce with a man who was very abusive and from a different culture and race has raised a lot of questions and concerns with my family and friends.  

I am Irish, German, Dutch and Cherokee. My ex-husband is Nigerian. We have a daughter together.

His mother is Igbo and I believe his father is Yaruba. Please correct me if I am wrong in the spelling or anything I am about to type about these specific cultures.

I am under the impression that the Yaruba men are abusive toward their women.  

Now when we were dating this didn't seem to be an issue.  He had a few angry outbursts and showed a little bit too much of public affection.  I just thought he had a few quirks to work out. I was extremely disappointed.

Anyway, as I am resocializing myself into American culture, I am surrounded by many different kinds of people, including African-American men, who happen to be very much attracted to me.  It may have something to do with the fact that I am still behaving like the woman my ex-husband has programmed me to be.  In fact, many of the things they comment on are things that I have changed about myself just to suit him.  I had to restrain myself one day when a man commented about how thoroughly I cleaned the lobby and that he liked that a lot. Then I had to remind myself that he probably just thought I was a very hard worker and was totally innocent.

Living with an African family has definitely put me in tune to the roots of our society though.  Some negative and some very positive.  

I want to comment about the positive because I feel it is important to hear the whole truth.  I am extremely good at cleaning now, lol.  I have learned how to cook one hundred percent better, improving on my own recipes because I learned tricks that only a seasoned veteran would know. I listen with such diligence that it is sickening.  People around me will do just about anything I ask them to do because the emphasis that is put on the idea of respect in their culture is so ingrained in me now that I cannot not greet and give salutations without feeling like a complete jerk.

This might seem a little bit strange to anyone from the United States but to people from other countries it might seem like a relief that anyone from here could understand the importance of these things. By no means were any of my skills lacking before. However, when you are treated like a slave the importance of perfection is key. If you mess up it is worse than if you had never completed the task in the first place.

So now I am faced with the problem of whether or not to date anyone outside of my race and creed, etc.  It actually terrifies me.  I do not want to put my children through this again. I am not discriminating to hurt anyone but to avoid being hurt myself. Who can really blame me? Don't get me wrong, there are still some very handsome black men who also seem nice to me.  My ex fell into that category as well.  What holds me back is the fact that the African culture is so ingrained into our society now that most people don't even recognize it, unless they are an outsider looking in.  That is me.  

So what is a girl to do? Any suggestions?