I write what I know

I write what I know. Right now what I know is the impossible world of men.

Let me clarify this.

The dating scene is a nightmare. I don't even like to think about what it's going to be like when I actually say, "Yes, we can go on a date," or, "Yes, I'd like to be your girlfriend," or whatever.

I meet all kinds of people where I work, where I travel, at the grocery store, through friends and family and we all have issues. The question is, are they issues that are worth my time?

Do I really want to deal with anyone who has substance abuse issues? No.

Do I really want to deal with anyone who is married and using me as their girlfriend/sex toy? No.

Do I really want to deal with anyone who is a pathological liar? No.

That is why I am taking the time to get to know people. You can bet your butt I am going to ask you questions and pry into your life and your mama's. I need to know you are not a creep, a scam artist, player or a regular old psychopath. Just do us both a favor and if you fall into any of those catorgies or are into games at all, walk away. I am going to break your heart if you think I will put up with any of it.

There is something to be said for older men though. Lately I have had many of them approaching me and at first I was a little hesitant. I have always attracted them but lately my curiosity has gotten the best of me. So I have been doing a little research. Here are a few things that women have said about older men:

1. They are more mature.
2. They are more stable, emotionally and financially. God knows an emotionally and financially stable man is at the top of list. I am so sick of vampires.
3. Older men are said to be more giving sexually. They are less concerned with themselves and more interested in exploring. (Raising eyebrows here.)
4. Confidence is much more abundant. An insecure man is the last thing a beautiful woman needs. We like confidence. Not arrogance, CONFIDENCE.
5. No drunk calls in the middle of the night. Substance abuse has either passed or is non-existent.

There have been a few concerns mentioned though. For instance, what if it became serious? Well, I have younger children and the fact that maybe an older man would not want to deal with babies is an issue. You always have to check to see if the man you like is interested in your children anyway. Also, there are concerns about an older man possibly still being married. Well, I worry about the younger ones there, too. It stinks being the other woman. It stinks knowing that you are the other woman especially if you were a wife and there was another woman. Eh, I don't want to be a part of that at all.

Another argument is that an age difference of fifteen or so years is too great, that we'd have nothing in common. I beg to differ. Personalities make the difference here I believe. I could have a young boring-ass man who all he likes to do is sit at home and watch t.v. and play video games. Let me tell you, that is not exciting at all. Or I could be with a man who likes to travel, tells me crazy stories and jokes, is always doing something- even if it's not with me and has a fascinating personality. Just talking to someone who is interesting makes all the difference.

Anyway, all in all it is situational, just like everything else.

As far as I am concerned, the fact that I haven't started dating is a good thing. I have learned to screen out some of the nut bars out there and even saved a few friendships. I just hope the one I am interested in doesn't turn out to be a nutty older fruit cake. :)

P.S. I realize that Hew Heffner may not be the best example of the kind of man I would like but he is an older man who dates younger women.

The Mississippi Squirrel Revival...HILARIOUS!!!

Going Ga Ga

http://www.youtube.com/ladygaga

Should I Date Interracially?

Coming out of a divorce with a man who was very abusive and from a different culture and race has raised a lot of questions and concerns with my family and friends.  

I am Irish, German, Dutch and Cherokee. My ex-husband is Nigerian. We have a daughter together.

His mother is Igbo and I believe his father is Yaruba. Please correct me if I am wrong in the spelling or anything I am about to type about these specific cultures.

I am under the impression that the Yaruba men are abusive toward their women.  

Now when we were dating this didn't seem to be an issue.  He had a few angry outbursts and showed a little bit too much of public affection.  I just thought he had a few quirks to work out. I was extremely disappointed.

Anyway, as I am resocializing myself into American culture, I am surrounded by many different kinds of people, including African-American men, who happen to be very much attracted to me.  It may have something to do with the fact that I am still behaving like the woman my ex-husband has programmed me to be.  In fact, many of the things they comment on are things that I have changed about myself just to suit him.  I had to restrain myself one day when a man commented about how thoroughly I cleaned the lobby and that he liked that a lot. Then I had to remind myself that he probably just thought I was a very hard worker and was totally innocent.

Living with an African family has definitely put me in tune to the roots of our society though.  Some negative and some very positive.  

I want to comment about the positive because I feel it is important to hear the whole truth.  I am extremely good at cleaning now, lol.  I have learned how to cook one hundred percent better, improving on my own recipes because I learned tricks that only a seasoned veteran would know. I listen with such diligence that it is sickening.  People around me will do just about anything I ask them to do because the emphasis that is put on the idea of respect in their culture is so ingrained in me now that I cannot not greet and give salutations without feeling like a complete jerk.

This might seem a little bit strange to anyone from the United States but to people from other countries it might seem like a relief that anyone from here could understand the importance of these things. By no means were any of my skills lacking before. However, when you are treated like a slave the importance of perfection is key. If you mess up it is worse than if you had never completed the task in the first place.

So now I am faced with the problem of whether or not to date anyone outside of my race and creed, etc.  It actually terrifies me.  I do not want to put my children through this again. I am not discriminating to hurt anyone but to avoid being hurt myself. Who can really blame me? Don't get me wrong, there are still some very handsome black men who also seem nice to me.  My ex fell into that category as well.  What holds me back is the fact that the African culture is so ingrained into our society now that most people don't even recognize it, unless they are an outsider looking in.  That is me.  

So what is a girl to do? Any suggestions?

Why Are You Really Unemployed?

This might sting a little but it has to be said.

Have you noticed that our jobs are being outsourced to places like India, Pakistan and Burma for much less pay to people who will work until their fingers bleed?

Have you noticed that many of the only jobs still available in the U.S. are those that require direct service to those who live here?

Let me explain this to you: Ask anyone around who their hardest workers are. They will tell you it is the Mexican guy or the Indian guy or the Italian guy who speaks very little English but has the work ethic of someone who must be a former slave. They will work from dusk until dawn, until you tell them to leave or until they literally pass out.

Now why do you think we are losing American jobs to other countries?

We as Americans ask for higher pay and we don't get even half of the work done. This is in general.

Now I work in fast-food and I know that there aren't that many people who bust their butts even a quarter as much as I do. They actually complain that I am working too hard and making them look bad. That is sad, especially in an economy where there are very limited jobs.

Just a little piece of advice, if you are going to complain because you have no work then maybe you should try giving people a reason to hire you in the first place.