Going Ga Ga

http://www.youtube.com/ladygaga

Should I Date Interracially?

Coming out of a divorce with a man who was very abusive and from a different culture and race has raised a lot of questions and concerns with my family and friends.  

I am Irish, German, Dutch and Cherokee. My ex-husband is Nigerian. We have a daughter together.

His mother is Igbo and I believe his father is Yaruba. Please correct me if I am wrong in the spelling or anything I am about to type about these specific cultures.

I am under the impression that the Yaruba men are abusive toward their women.  

Now when we were dating this didn't seem to be an issue.  He had a few angry outbursts and showed a little bit too much of public affection.  I just thought he had a few quirks to work out. I was extremely disappointed.

Anyway, as I am resocializing myself into American culture, I am surrounded by many different kinds of people, including African-American men, who happen to be very much attracted to me.  It may have something to do with the fact that I am still behaving like the woman my ex-husband has programmed me to be.  In fact, many of the things they comment on are things that I have changed about myself just to suit him.  I had to restrain myself one day when a man commented about how thoroughly I cleaned the lobby and that he liked that a lot. Then I had to remind myself that he probably just thought I was a very hard worker and was totally innocent.

Living with an African family has definitely put me in tune to the roots of our society though.  Some negative and some very positive.  

I want to comment about the positive because I feel it is important to hear the whole truth.  I am extremely good at cleaning now, lol.  I have learned how to cook one hundred percent better, improving on my own recipes because I learned tricks that only a seasoned veteran would know. I listen with such diligence that it is sickening.  People around me will do just about anything I ask them to do because the emphasis that is put on the idea of respect in their culture is so ingrained in me now that I cannot not greet and give salutations without feeling like a complete jerk.

This might seem a little bit strange to anyone from the United States but to people from other countries it might seem like a relief that anyone from here could understand the importance of these things. By no means were any of my skills lacking before. However, when you are treated like a slave the importance of perfection is key. If you mess up it is worse than if you had never completed the task in the first place.

So now I am faced with the problem of whether or not to date anyone outside of my race and creed, etc.  It actually terrifies me.  I do not want to put my children through this again. I am not discriminating to hurt anyone but to avoid being hurt myself. Who can really blame me? Don't get me wrong, there are still some very handsome black men who also seem nice to me.  My ex fell into that category as well.  What holds me back is the fact that the African culture is so ingrained into our society now that most people don't even recognize it, unless they are an outsider looking in.  That is me.  

So what is a girl to do? Any suggestions?

Why Are You Really Unemployed?

This might sting a little but it has to be said.

Have you noticed that our jobs are being outsourced to places like India, Pakistan and Burma for much less pay to people who will work until their fingers bleed?

Have you noticed that many of the only jobs still available in the U.S. are those that require direct service to those who live here?

Let me explain this to you: Ask anyone around who their hardest workers are. They will tell you it is the Mexican guy or the Indian guy or the Italian guy who speaks very little English but has the work ethic of someone who must be a former slave. They will work from dusk until dawn, until you tell them to leave or until they literally pass out.

Now why do you think we are losing American jobs to other countries?

We as Americans ask for higher pay and we don't get even half of the work done. This is in general.

Now I work in fast-food and I know that there aren't that many people who bust their butts even a quarter as much as I do. They actually complain that I am working too hard and making them look bad. That is sad, especially in an economy where there are very limited jobs.

Just a little piece of advice, if you are going to complain because you have no work then maybe you should try giving people a reason to hire you in the first place.

Trucks, Trucks and More Trucks!!!

Okay, so I am seriously in love with trucks these days.

Ever since I test drove the Durango at a dealership in Flint, I have been in love. Ever since I saw the 2009 Ford F-150 cruising down that beautiful highway on my way back from Pontiac, I have been in love.

All right, so a Durango isn't a truck, it's an SUV. Whatever. I like it. I want a vehicle with some kick. If you have ever tried to floor it in a Contour, you know what I am talking about. Although, that little car did have some get-up-and-go. I definitely dig the V-8 a whole lot more.

I have been scouring the web and the car lots for something my family and I can be comfortable in. I have tried Jeeps, Rendezvous's, Durangos...and one of these days I am going to get behind the wheel of that big beautiful beast the F-150, oh yes, I will. It's enough to make a girl believe she will never need another man in her life, lol.

Yes, I still do love the Avalanche but it is nothing to my beloved Ford F-150. That is the Lady Godiva Chocolate Raspberry candy bar of trucks. It is HOT!!!

Enough of my shameless gushing. Check out the photos.

The Self-Esteem

It's a funny thing, your self-esteem.

Becoming a "Divorcee" has been an interesting experience. You realize that you aren't exactly alone and that maybe you aren't a pariah after all.

There seems to be three categories: people who just aren't thriving as a couple, people who are manipulative jerks and people who bent over backwards to kiss the other person's ass and received no reciprocation what-so-ever. I fall into the third category, of course. (Note to future mates: this will never happen again, so don't even think about using me.)

My self-esteem took a pitfall because I kept thinking it was all my fault and that I must be doing something wrong. Well, what I did wrong was always do whatever my husband wanted. As it turns out, greed played a pretty large factor in that. Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail, that is just my opinion.

So I have this new job and well, frankly, I am taking better care of myself and I think I look and feel pretty darn good. So why is it that whenever I get a compliment, get asked out or someone hits on me that I kind of cringe a little?

I keep thinking it's the fear of the unknown, mostly because what I thought I knew for the longest time turned out to be exactly the opposite and, quite frankly, my worst nightmare come to life. I had married someone whose beliefs countered mine on so many different levels it was treacherous. Of course, that's not how they were presented to me in the beginning. As it turns out, it was all a lie. So now I am always wondering if I am being lied to. Thanks again honey.

Anyway, I am starting to get over this fear as I realize that probably most people aren't habitual liars or consistently indecisive, whatever floats your boat. I have decided to take most things with a grain of salt and believe only half of what I see and none of what I hear. Didn't my grandpa tell me that years ago?

I have also come to the conclusion that yes, I am a pretty damn fine woman and most men would kill to have one like me. That is not to sound arrogant, please. I am just saying, hey, I'm not so bad after all and I'm finally getting the credit I deserve. Thank-you to anyone who has helped me come to that conclusion. You made me feel pretty. Wink Wink. :)