Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Self-Esteem

It's a funny thing, your self-esteem.

Becoming a "Divorcee" has been an interesting experience. You realize that you aren't exactly alone and that maybe you aren't a pariah after all.

There seems to be three categories: people who just aren't thriving as a couple, people who are manipulative jerks and people who bent over backwards to kiss the other person's ass and received no reciprocation what-so-ever. I fall into the third category, of course. (Note to future mates: this will never happen again, so don't even think about using me.)

My self-esteem took a pitfall because I kept thinking it was all my fault and that I must be doing something wrong. Well, what I did wrong was always do whatever my husband wanted. As it turns out, greed played a pretty large factor in that. Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail, that is just my opinion.

So I have this new job and well, frankly, I am taking better care of myself and I think I look and feel pretty darn good. So why is it that whenever I get a compliment, get asked out or someone hits on me that I kind of cringe a little?

I keep thinking it's the fear of the unknown, mostly because what I thought I knew for the longest time turned out to be exactly the opposite and, quite frankly, my worst nightmare come to life. I had married someone whose beliefs countered mine on so many different levels it was treacherous. Of course, that's not how they were presented to me in the beginning. As it turns out, it was all a lie. So now I am always wondering if I am being lied to. Thanks again honey.

Anyway, I am starting to get over this fear as I realize that probably most people aren't habitual liars or consistently indecisive, whatever floats your boat. I have decided to take most things with a grain of salt and believe only half of what I see and none of what I hear. Didn't my grandpa tell me that years ago?

I have also come to the conclusion that yes, I am a pretty damn fine woman and most men would kill to have one like me. That is not to sound arrogant, please. I am just saying, hey, I'm not so bad after all and I'm finally getting the credit I deserve. Thank-you to anyone who has helped me come to that conclusion. You made me feel pretty. Wink Wink. :)


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